Tales of Uncle Catpaws – The Time I Rode a Dragon (Complete)

Tales of Uncle Catpaws

And the time I rode a dragon.

Part 1


The Kender stood on top of the balrog corpse with his topknot swaying.  “Ha!  That’ll teach you!”

The dwarf named Tinstack shuffled forward and knocked the Halfling off the body.  “Get off with you Quicksnatch!  You didn’t even do anything!”

“Yes I did!”  He picked himself up and dusted himself off.  “Ask Ephellia, I gave her the potion that saved you!”

“It was her potion to begin with!”  He roared.

The elves each cleared their throat.  Telling them apart could be difficult.

Quicksnatch paid them no mind.  “She dropped it!  Had I not found it and kept it safe for her you would definitely be dead!”

“You mean if you hadn’t stole—”

“What!”  The kender frothed.  “I never steal!  Stealing is wrong!  I would take you down a notch but then you would not be able to see over your boots!”

“Again with the short jokes?”  Tinstack complained.  “I am taller than you and if you do not shut up I will cut you in half and be twice as tall as you!”

“Tempers.”  Ephellia said in a calm but demanding voice.  “We need to get moving.  Did he have it?”  She directed this last part to the kender.

One of the elves tapped his toe impatiently.

“No!”  Quicksnatch said.  “I was just about to tell you that when Dumbstack accosted me and called me a thief!”

“In half you cretin!”

Ephellia held up a hand in the dwarf’s direction to calm him.  “Check your pouch, maybe it fell in there while we were fighting.”

“Yeah!”  Quicksnatch dropped to the ground and immediately upturned his pouch across the stone floor.

“We need to get moving.”  One elf said.

“Just take his pouch and let’s go.  We don’t need him.”  The other elf interjected.

Ephellia shot them both dagger looks but they did not back down.  Quicksnatch, lost in exploring his belongings missed the whole exchange.

“Hey!”  Tinstack rushed in and knocked the kender over.  “That is mine, you thief!  And that too!”

The dwarf plucked a couple of knick knacks from the pile.

“Oh!”  Quicksnatch exclaimed.  “I was wondering where I got those.  You must have accidently dropped them in my bag earlier.  It’s a good thing my bag was there to catch them or else you might have lost them!”

A hand reached past the kender and scooped up a couple of wands from the pile.  Quicksnatch watched as the treasures disappeared into the cloaks of the elves.

Ephellia spotted two rings, a crystal, and an enchanted belt in the pile that belonged to her.  She left them there knowing shortly after claiming them they would be right back in the pouch.

“Is this it?”  Quicksnatch help up a rusty object.

“Lemme see that!”  Tinstack rushed in and swiped it away from him and examined it closely.  “It is a key alright, not sure if it is the right one but we can give it a try.”

“I guess it did fall—”

Tinstack walked past the kender and as he passed he shoved him in the chest and sent him reeling over backwards.

“Hey!  Watch out!”  He complained.  “You nearly knocked me over!  You should watch where you walk.”

“I was.”  The dwarf grumbled under his breath.

Ephellia offered the kender a hand up and realized her folly as she watched a bracelet vanish from her arm as he stood up.

“Clean that mess up and let’s go already!”  An elf complained.

“Keep your knickers in your britches Shelfmouth!”  The kender taunted.  “I have to repack my bag.”

“Shealfalla, you uncouth ferret leaving!”

The opportunity to join in a game of insults slipped by the kender as he became engrossed by his belongings again.

“Where did I get this?”  He asked holding up a familiar bracelet.

“It fell off my wrist.”  Ephellia stated holding her hand out.

“Oh, great!”  Quicksnatch said with a smile.  “I am glad I found it for you!”

Ephellia fastened the catch on the bracelet but knew the demi-human would probably have it again within the hour.  Probably sooner.

“So where is this rock?”

“Not a rock, it is a gem.”  Tinstack said.

“It is the main stone from King Faavur’s crown.”  Shealfalla informed the kender.  “We have told you before but you were not paying attention.  It has been lost for centuries.”

“Oh yeah!”  The Kender stood up with the pouch returned to his waist and looking even more bulging than before.  “The stone thingy goes in the crown and Sharknet wears the crown and becomes king?”

“Sharhett.” The other elf corrected.  “And yes, and we have to get back to Greenhaven before sunset tomorrow when the imposter is going to be crowned and take my rightful place.”

“Sheesh!”  Quicksnatch said.  “Then why are you guys taking so long!  We should get going!”

“In half!”  The dwarf growled.  “I will cut him in half!”

“Then there would be two of me!”  The kender said joyously.

Taking a deep breath, Ephellia watched them begin to move forward. The bickering between Quicksnatch and Tinstack continued as they moved down the hall. The flickering light of their torches teased the edges of the room making each stone appear to be shimmering. Moving closer to the balrog she wiped the blood from her sword on his tattered clothing. Cleaning it with precise movements, she could see the reflection of the room and the two elves that leaned together to whisper in the language of their fathers.

Which one? Was it Shealfalla, with his quick temper and rush to find the stone? Or was it the cool and collected male that he called brother. One of them had already betrayed them to the imposter for merely a promise of wealth. That one would not live. But, would she have to fight the other when the time came.

Standing slowly, she cast her long braid back over her shoulder and slid her sword back into it sheath. The familiar weight of it and the sound of it sliding home was a comfort for the woman who knew that at the end of this day, she would have to kill someone she called friend.

Part 2


The missing arm did not slow down her attacker.  She swung her bastard sword again and watched it tear away half of the rib cage.  The skeleton’s other arm still held its sword and swung it around towards her and with a quick reversal of her sword she parried it easily.  She then hacked upwards and separated the skull from the torso and kicked out knocking the rest of the shambling mess of bones and dried skin collapsing backwards.

Ephellia stepped back from her kill and assessed the battlefield.  Nearby Quicksnatch seemed to play with his skeleton by taking aim and knocking single bones off the structure and the blunt end of his hoopak.  She heard him laugh and taunt with each swing while he danced around, his topknot always about a second behind him and trying to catch up.

Tinstack eschewed his axe and used his hammer with great results turning bones to dust with each blow.  The elves had a group of three torches.  That’s what they were now anyway, the skeletons still writhed and swiped at them but they would soon be ash.

The headless body before her tried to move some and reached up with its one remaining arm.

Ephellia dismissively amputated the limb and stepped towards Quicksnatch.  Her sword put off the soft blue glow she was accustomed to as it cleaved the skull of the skeleton.

“Hey!”  The kender complained.  “I was not done with that!”

“Yes you were.”  Ephellia said gently.  “If I know you then I am sure you are eager to see what traps are on that door!”

She pointed to the great vault door.

Quicksnatch’s face lit up and he literally skipped away.

“It’s dead you know.”  Ephellia assured the dwarf as he kneeled on the ground reducing every scrap of bone to dust.”

“It was dead when we got in here!”  He did not look up from his work.  “That did not stop it from tearing my apron with that rusty sword of his!”

Ephellia rolled her eyes.  “I think you can stop worrying about it now; there is nothing left to attack you.”

Tinstack took aim at a wiggling finger joint and bashed it into oblivion.  “Is the kender working yet?”

“I just sent him to the door.”  Ephellia stated.

“Maybe he will spring the trap and it will kill him.”  The dwarf looked up and smiled at the prospect.

The elves appeared next to Ephellia.  “We may still need him for any traps on the inside.”  One of them said.

“Hey!”  The kender yelled out.  “Watch this!”

Everyone turned and looked at the Halfling just in time to see him plunge his arm into a hole in the wall.  A groaning sound reverberated overhead and the sound of something tumbling echoed from above their heads.

“You idiot!”  Tinstack hollered while ducking down and covering his head.

Shealfala rushed forward towards the vault door.

“Wait!”  The kender shouted and he jumped between the door and the elf.

When the elf did not slow his approach the kender smacked him in the forehead with his hoopak sending the man reeling backwards.

Suddenly the rumbling stopped and the room stood silent.

“Wait for it!”  The kender said hopping from one foot to another.  “This is going to be neat!”

Without warning a whole section of the ceiling separated itself and slammed down across the vault door as one large slab.

“You fool!”  Shealfala stood up rubbing his head.  He then did something Ephellia had never seen him do.  He drew his sword.  Rune characters covered the blade from hilt to tip and they vitually glowed and sparkled in the torch light.  “I am of royal blood and you attacked me!”

“I saved your life you foolish point ear!”  The kender stated.  “You would have been smashed into tiny elf bits!”

The elf swung hard at Quicksnatch and the kender parried quickly.  The sword embedded itself into the side of the hoopak and wrenched it from the hands of the Halfling.  “And you sealed the vault!”

The kender ducked and rolled away while the elf attempted to dislodge the ironwood staff from his sword.

“No I didn’t!”  The kender stood up on the far side of the room away from the elf.

Shealfala discarded the hoopak to the side and charged the kender.

Tinstack appeared between the two; hammer in one hand and axe in the other.  “You back off Quicksnatch, I just saw him save your life.”

“Yeah!”  The kender added from behind his stocky protector, arms akimbo.

Sharhett appeared next to his brother with a wand drawn.

“Teaming up on me, eh?”  Tinstack set his feet firmly into a defensive stance

Ephellia rushed forward to try to assist her friend but a blinding flash knocked her back as Sharhett released the energy of his wand.  She fell back and shielded her eyes.  As the blast cleared the black burn in her retina remained.  She blinked to try to clear her vision so she could see what might be left of the dwarf.

Amazingly the dwarf stood there unharmed.  His beard, normally neat and down on his chest had split and went over his shoulders.  His helm was missing and his hair stood straight back, there was smoke or steam coming from the ends of his hair.

The kender seemed no worse for wear.  In fact he smiled and waved to Ephellia.  “Isn’t this fun!”

“You missed!”  The dwarf sneered still holding his defensive pose.

The elves looked at each other.  Shealfala raised his sword.

“Stop this at once!”  Ephellia’s voice echoed down through the corridors of the dungeon and a couple of times made it back to the vault room.

Everyone froze in place looking at her.

“I saw it myself.”  She said.  “If you had not been so stupid rushing in there you would have been crushed.  Quicksnatch saved your life.”

“Told you!”  The kender added.

“Shut up!”  She barked at him and he sought shelter behind the dwarf.

“But he sealed us of from the vault!”  Shealfala complained.

“Did you?”  She directed this towards Quicksnatch.

“Of course not!”  He said.  “You hired me to get you in, why would I block you from getting there?”

“So what do we do then to get past…” Shealfala gestured at the new wall covering the vault door..  “… that?”

“I was just about to tell you that before and then you tried to kill me so I did not get to say!”  The kender said.  “That was neat what you did while trying to kill us, I have never seen such a bright light, can you do that again?”

The elves fumed.

“Settle down.”  Ephellia advised the elves then turned back to the kender.  “How long do we have to wait?”

As if in answer to her question the room started to rumble.  Slowly the stone slab went back up into the ceiling.

“That long!”  Quicksnatch skipped over to where the vault door stood.  “It has an automatic reset but I could tell by the clockwork on the trap that it only had one more go.  It will not trigger again!  You should have just listened to me instead of trying to kill me!”  He taunted the elves with the last part.

“Let’s get inside then.”  Ephellia stated returning her sword to its sheath.

The dwarf slowly lowered his hammer and ax as the elves turned their attention to the kender’s ministrations on the door.

In short order the vault door rolled away to one side revealing a small cavern with boxes and barrels full of equipment, weapons, armor, and treasure.

Sharhett pushed his way past the kender.

“Hey!”  Wait!”  The kender protested.  “Don’t touch anything until I check it for traps or at least wait for me so I can see what happens!”

The elf ignored all the treasure and walked directly to a small chest atop one of the piles of boxes overflowing with coins and gold chains.  He whipped it up without caution and opened the lid.  Sparkles danced along the walls.  Sharhett laughed loud.

Shealfala rushed over.  “Did you find it brother?”

Sharhett’s expression went dark and faster than his brother could react he pulled a wand out, aimed it, and release the full fury of the spell.

Shealfala’s torso vaporized in the close range blast and his head fell into a heap upon his legs.

Sharhett laughed loudly and then pointed his wand in the direction of the rest of the party.  “When I lead the elves into Her army she will be thankful to me and bestow upon me great rewards!”

“What are you talking about Shark Bait?”  Quicksnatch asked.

The elf pointed the wand directly at the kender and started saying some arcane syllables.  The dwarf stepped directly between.

“You didn’t learn last time?”  The dwarf asked as he took up his defensive stance again.

Sharhett stopped mid chant.

“Bah!”  He said and stashed his wand away.  “I can take you without or without magic!”

Before their eyes the elf’s form seemed almost to melt and reform.  Replacing the elven body stood a nine foot tall silver draconian.

“I am hungry anyway and I can feast on your bones!”  The draconian’s voice hissed on the sibilants.

Ephellia drew her sword and leapt forward right alongside the charging dwarf.

“This is the best day ever!”  The kender shouted as he passed by them to get first attack on the draconian.

The draconian lashed out at the Halfling but Quicksnatch easily dodged the blow and brought the blunt end of his hoopak up under the chin of the monster.

The dwarf swept in next and smashed his hammer heavily into the knee of the draconian.  A loud crack rent the air and it screamed out in pain.

Ephellia came in at a run, put a foot on the back of the dwarf and went air borne at the draconian.  She smacked heavily into the chest of the monster and it screamed out in pain only no noise escaped its throat.  Both hands went to its neck grasping and pulling.  The draconian tossed Ephellia aside and continued to clutch at its throat.  Eventually its hand closed around the pommel of a sword buried to the hilt in the base of its neck.

It stumbled to the side and made a gurgling noise.

“He is going down!”  Quicksnatch yelled excitedly while jabbing the creature’s gut with the forked end of the staff.

The creature’s form started to go liquid again and changed before their eyes.  For a moment Sharhett stood before them, sword coming out of his chest and struggling.

“Sharknet!”  The kender cried out and he bashed the head of the elf in hard.

The draconian fell to the ground sideways knocking over a barrel of swords, his form went liquid again and then he lay on the floor unmoving.

“What in the wet coal is that?”  Tinstack cursed looking down at the body.  He then looked up at Ephellia as she approached.  He took a couple of steps back.

Ephellia looked down on the body and it was astonished to find herself looking at her own form.  The draconian now looked just like her in its death.

“Oh wow!”  Quicksnack appeared at her elbow.  “He looks just like you!  You killed yourself!”

“No, he is a draconian.”  She stated simply as she sheathed her sword.  “Some of them turn into the form of the person that killed them.”

“Hey!”  The kender protested.  “I hit him last!  He should like me then!”

She shook her head.  “Doesn’t work that way.  It was the sword that killed him.”

“Pocket holes!”  The kender cursed.  “It would have been neat to see another me.”

“One of you is plenty for my tastes.”  The dwarf growled.  “In fact that might be one or two too many!”

“How could one of me be two too many?”  The kender asked cheerfully.

Tinstack thrust his hand out and pushed the kender away.

Undeterred Quicksnatch continued to berate him with questions about the math of his statement.

“One thing.”  Ephellia interupted.  “How did you not die in that blast earlier?”

The dwarf grinned wickedly then reached into the collar of his shirt and produced an amulet on a chain.  “I have never trusted magic so I got this to protect me.”

“So you wear that to protect you from magic?”  She asked him.

He nodded and grinned.

“You do realize that the amulet itself is magic.”

His grin slowly faded and he finally just stuffed the necklace back into his shirt.  “Yeah, whatever.”

“Hey guys!”  The kender called their attention back to him.  “What are we going to do with this?”

Quicksnatch held aloft the gem they last saw in the hands of the draconian.


Part 3

“Let’s get away from this place!”  Ephellia shivered as she looked down at the body that mirrored hers.

“But there is still so much here!”  Quicksnatch petulantly moaned.  “Seriously guys!  Come on!”

“We have what we came for.”  Ephellia stated.

“Maybe we do.”  Tinstack interjected.  “It’s somewhere in that fleabag’s pouches!”

Ephellia turned back towards the entrance and the dwarf followed.

“We have to see what is in all the boxes!”  The kender jumped up on a chest to shout after them.  “It could be anything!”  He stated.

“Bye!” Tinstack waved very briefly over his shoulder and did not look back.

“Ephellia!”  The Kender jumped.  “Come back!”

The chest under the Kender gave way and rolled forward off of its stack.  The kender’s legs followed it but the rest of his body did not.  He found himself horizontal in the air with his topknot dangling in the air above him.  Then he slammed into the floor back first.  His hair piled up on his face a second later.

“I’m okay!”  Quicksnatch called out.  “Wait!  No I’m not!”

A stack of crates from just behind the chest wavered and teetered his direction before reaching their tipping point and falling directly on top of the kender.  A muffled scream rang out as bolts of silk spilled out of the crates all over him.

“Should we go back for him?”  Tinstack asked.

Ephellia smirked at him and turned back to go find their diminutive companion.

Two legs and one arm stuck out from under the pile of shiny fabric.

“I’m dying under here!”  Quicksnatch pleaded.

Ephellia reached down and grabbed one flailing arm and pulled.  The Halfling slid out with hardly any effort on her part.

“Oh wow!  You saved me!”  Quicksnatch Jumped up and hugged Ephellia.  He dropped back down and started embellishing his experience.  “I might have been crushed to death, or suffocated, or I could have been eaten alive by moths, what an exciting way to die!”

Ephellia did not pay him any attention, her eyes had landed on a long black box that lay with the other crates that had fallen.  It was black and smooth.  The finish on it was like glass.  The torches in the room reflected brightly off of it and she could actually make out the image of the flames in the reflection.

“And when I tell the tale I will make sure everyone knows you were my savior.”  The kender prattled on.

Ephellia took a step forward placing her foot on some of the fallen silk and reached out for the box.

“They will sing songs about you back in Kendermore!”

“Come on you guys!”  The gruff voice of the dwarf put in.

Ephellia grabbed one end of the box and slid it across the cloth till it lay before her.

“Parades and everything!  Hey, I really should check that for traps.”

The surface of the box was exceptionally smooth and cool to the touch.  She heard an unintelligible whisper in her ear.  She longed to open the box.

“Really though, you shouldn’t, could be trapped.”  The kender took two steps back and covered his ears.

“What is going on?”  The dwarf started back towards the other two.

A slight hiss sound emitted from the box and she felt air sucked in as she cracked it open.

As she opened it it still looked dark inside as if the light was fighting with the lid still.  Slowly the contents came into focus.  Laying a the finest black felt she saw an ornate sword.  Bejeweled it looked more fit for a wall than suitable for battle.  She reached in and grabbed it.

Holding the blade aloft Ephellia gazed upon its beauty.  The jewels each held a sparkle that burst out when she gazed directly at them.  It held her entranced.  The voice whispered to her of deeds to be done and power to be gained.

“Ephellia!”  Someone called out to her.  Someone shook her arm.

In defense she whipped the sword around in the direction of her attacker.

She watched as a head ducked down below the swing and a long trail of hair pop up before following the head down.

“Quicksnatch?”  She said coming out of her trance.

“Wow!”  The kender exclaimed.  “You almost got me!  You want to try again?  Though I doubt you would do any better, I would expect it this time!”

She shook her head and glanced and the sword again.  “Its name is Glimfury.”

“Who is Glimfury?”  Quicksnatch asked.

“You okay?”  Tinstack asked.  “You seemed a bit zoned there, and then you swung at Quicksnatch.  Of course who wouldn’t want to.  I know I think about it all the time.”

“He just surprised me, that’s all.”  She pulled her other sword from its sheath and set it down on one of the boxes and then sheathed the new sword.  It fit perfectly.

She stepped away from the other sword and did not look back.

“Look at that!”  The kender squatted looking closely at something on the floor.

Ephellia and Tinstack moved in closely to see what caught the kender’s eye.

“It’s hair.”  Quicksnatch stated pushing something around on the ground.  He reached around and pulled his topknot around front and scrutinized it closely.

“Hair?”  Ephellia asked.

“Stop wasting our time!”  The dwarf complained.  “We need to get moving!”

“It is the same color and…”  He examined the tip of his own hair.  “Yep!  I am missing just a little bit!”

“How did you lose hair?”  Ephellia asked.

“And why do you care?”  The dwarf exasperated.

“You cut it off of me!”  The stated pointing at Ephellia.  “When you swung at me, you trimmed the very end of my hair off.  “That must be some awesome blade to cut so precisely!  Can I see it?”

Ephellia’s hand immediately went to the hilt of the sword and took a step back.  “No!”

“Hey, no, I wasn’t going to touch it or anything!”  Quicksnatch backed up with his hands raised.

Ephellia found herself panting and her heart raced.

“You sure you are okay?”  Tinstack asked again.

Ephellia slowly released the hilt and took a deep breath.  “Yes, the fight just got me jittery I think.  And seeing that.”  She pointed at the corpse with her likeness.

The dwarf nodded.  “Let’s get going.”


Part 4



Quicksnatch looked down at the corpse of Ephellia.  A huge cut from the right shoulder traveled almost all the way to the left hip.  The kender wrinkled his nose at the stench from the entrails.

With only a moment’s hesitation he then started doing what his genetic programming told him to do, he pilfered.  He managed to find several gold coins, a ring, two daggers and scroll.  All of these items promptly disappeared into the depths of his pouch.

He moved over to the other corpse, this one of the dwarf.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk.”  Quicksnatch said as he rifled through the pockets.  This corpse had a big chuck missing from its head and one leg was missing.at just above the knee.  The body provided a very similar collection of odds and ends.  Just as he went to stand up from the body he noticed something.  He kneeled down again and examined one of the buttons closely.  He fetched a dagger from the pouch and deftly cut the button free.  Holding it in his hand as he stood up he frowned.

“It’s not pretty anymore?”  He complained and tossed the button aside.

“What’s not pretty anymore?”  Tinstack asked him.

“Your button, it turned into what looked like a piece of black slag.”  Quicksnatch answered.

“Are you finished yet?”  Ephellia asked the kender.

“Yeah, but I really wanted that button.”  The kender looked around at the ground, spotted the offending button and gave it a quick kick and it skittered off among the rocks.

“You can’t have my buttons and if you try to take one you will have one less finger when you draw your hand back.”  Tinstack stated.

Quicksnatch walked over to the dwarf corpse and gave it a good kick in the side.

“Hey!”  Tinstack complained.

“What are you worried about?”  Quicksnatch asked.  “It’s dead.”

“But still.”  Tinstack said.  “It just does not seem right.”

The kender kicked again.

The dwarf grunted and turned away.  “Are we leaving or not?”

“Sure sure.”  Quicksnatch said.  “I have been waiting on you.”

“Well stop playing with…”  Tinstack became flustered but finally continued.  “Quit playing with my corpse.”

“It’s not yours though.”  The kender replied and kicked one more time for good measure.  “They look just like you guys though.”

“That’s because we killed them.”  The dwarf said.  “I notice there are no kender shaped corpses, maybe there should be?”

“Nah.”  Quicksnatch used his hoopak to vault over the body in front of him.  For good measure he turned around and brought the staff weapon down hard on the chest of the dwarf corpse.

“Would you cut that out!”  Tinstack whined.

The kender hit it one more time.  “Okay.”

Ephellia and Tinstack stepped out onto the trail and the kender skipped along behind them.

“How far is it to Lordgreen?”  The Halfling asked.

“Just as far as it was to get here from there.”  Tinstack announced and then grumbled under his breath.

“Wait a minute!”  Quicksnatch suddenly shouted and stopped dead in his tracks.

Ephellia turned around, “What is it Quicksnatch?”

“How do I know that one of those bodies back there are not the real Ephellia or Tinstack?”

The dwarf rolled his eyes and turned around and started down the trail again.

“You remember the button you cut off?”  The human asked.

The kender nodded.  “It was very pretty, just like Tinstack’s but it turned ugly.”

Ephellia nodded.  “You did not cut a button off.  You shaved a scale off of a draconian.”

“Oh.”  He said in a voice of wonderment.  He stood there still as a statue for a moment looking blankly at the ground, then suddenly he took to his feet and ran back towards the dungeon entrance.

“Can we just leave him?”  Tinstack begged.

Ephellia half smiled but shook her head and then walked back up the path to the entrance.

“It’s okay!”  They heard the kender’s voice call out from ahead.  “The corpse is the draconian.”

A moment later the lithe kender came skipping back down the path.

“And how pray tell do you know this?”  The dwarf asked..

“I cut a button off her blouse.  It turned into a scale.”  The kender skipped right past the two.  “So I guess you two are the real Ephellia and Tinstack!”

The dwarf shook his head and followed the kender.

Ephellia checked the trail behind them for a moment before following as well.

“Wait!”  The kender stopped on the trail just ahead of them.

“What now you five fingered discount freak?”  The dwarf barked.

Quicksnatch passed an opportunity of taunts, a game in which he was dearly fond of, as something else troubled him.

“What if one or both of you are draconians?”

“I am not a draconian.”  The dwarf crossed his arms.

A dagger appeared in the kender’s hand.

“What are you doing little one?”  Ephellia asked.

“I want to know if he is a dwarf or a draconian.”  Quicksnatch moved to close the distance between him and the dwarf.

The dwarf took a couple of steps back and grabbed to draw his axe.  “You do it and I will kill you!”

“Just a button.”

“No!”  The dwarf drew the axe and took a defensive stance.

“He is not a draconian.”  Ephellia assured the kender.

“Just one button?”

The human shook her head.  “No, let’s get going.”

“I will give it right back to him.”  The kender looked down at the ground and draw a line in the gravel with his toe.  “I promise.”

“No!”  Tinstack burst out.  “Do it and die!”

“Fine.”  The kender then looked up at Ephellia.  “When he turns into one of those creatures in the middle of the night and kills you, just remember that I tried to warn you.”

Ephellia shook her head and they continued.  The kender took the lead again but the dwarf took up rear guard to put as much distance between him and the button crazed Halfling as possible.


Part 5


“Another day’s journey and we should be there.”  Ephellia set down her pack next to a tree.  “I am going to find some water.  Quicksnatch can you get us some rabbits to eat?”

The kender twirled the end of the hoopak around a couple of times till it made a whistling noise then he stopped it suddenly in a salute to Ephellia.  “Will do!”

“And as usual I will get firewood.”  The dwarf grumbled.

“Your axe to makes the job a lot easier.”  Ephellia stated.

The dwarf grumbled some more and started to cross the field towards the woods.  The kender fell in next to him.

“Didn’t she say that you needed to be hunting rabbits?”

“I am!”  Quicksnatch said defensively.  “I am using your clumsy foot steps to flush them out!”

“Why I shoul—”

The kender put his hand out and slapped it against the dwarf’s chest.  “Did you hear that?”

In an instant the dwarf was in a crouched defensive stance, axe in hand.  His eyes scanned the grasses and the woods nearby.

The kender slipped a stone out of his pouch into the pocket of the hoopak sling and started the whole rig twirling over their heads.  “Over there!”  He pointed with his nose.

“Where?  Who?”  The dwarf started moving forward slowly in the direction indicated.

“Pst Pst!”  The kender signaled the dwarf and shook his head when his companion looked back.

“The dwarf held his position and looked hard where indicated.

A woosh noise sounded and a rock flew through the air from the tip of the hoopak and plunged into some thick grasses.

The grass rustled and the dwarf tightened his grip, ready to lunge.

Suddenly two rabbits emerged from the hillock and scampered in opposite directions before quickly disappearing into the grass again.

“Horse noodles!”  The kender cursed.  “I was sure I would have had one!”

“What?  That was over some rabbits?”  The dwarf brandished his axe towards the kender.

Quicksnatch failed to notice the physical threat.  “I guess you are not very good at flushing them anyway.  Maybe Ephellia is better at it!”

“Go find out!”  Tinstack still held the axe aloft.

“I will!”  The kender said.  “Good idea.”

He turned to go but then came right back to the dwarf and held out his hand.

“What is this?”  The dwarf took something out of the kender’s hand.

“It’s your button, I said I would return it.”  Quicksnatch said.  “Don’t worry, you’re not a draconian.”

“I have been telling you that!”  The dwarf yelled at the retreating kender.


The kender ran into the small clearing at the trees and smacked right into Ephellia as she arrived there too.

“We need to get going.”  Ephellia stated.

“I almost had two rabbits in one shot!”  The kender bragged.  “But the clumsy dwarf messed up my shot.  Hey did you get water yet?”

“No time.”  Ephellia said.  :”Do you still have the gem?”

“Of course!”  Quicksnatch stated proudly.  “Keeping it safe, just like you asked!”

“We need to go then, right now!”

The kender started to reach into his pouch to assure her the gem was okay when he realized he had something in his hand.  He looked down to identify it and then quickly closed his hand again.  He glanced at Ephellia and narrowed his eyes.  “I will go get Tinstack!”

The kender did not wait for a response but turned around and ran off back towards the dwarf, a few minutes later he found him breaking a fairly substantial limb down with his axe.

“I thought you were going to bother Ephellia!”  The dwarf complained as he saw the kender run up.

“I did…”  Quicksnatch gasped heavily trying to get air.  “Maybe.”

The dwarf’s face turned serious.  “I have never seen you so out of breath, what happened?”

“Ephellia, ran into her.  It came off in my hand.”  The kender said between puffs.

“What did?”  The dwarf asked.

The kender held out his hand palm up.

“This was hers?”  Tinstack asked.

The kender nodded.  “It was one of her blouse buttons.  I checked, she has one missing now.”

The dwarf picked it up off the kender’s palm and examined it closely.  He nodded firmly and then flicked the black draconian scale off to the side.  He grabbed up his axe and held it across his body and took off back towards the camp at a run with the kender right behind.

The braches whipped back slapped the kender in the face as he attempted to keep up with the dwarf.

“Wait up!”  Quicksnatch barked just as a dwarf released another branch.

The kender stuck out a hand and caught this one and the next couple of steps took him into the clearing.  The short legs of the dwarf pumped quickly as he neared his destination.

“Oh, there you are!”  Ephellia looked up from digging through her pack.  “Where is the kender?”

The kender stepped up behind the dwarf right at that moment.

“Do you still have it?”  Ephellia asked.  “You did not lose the gem did you?”

The human stood up right and walked towards the two men.

“What’s his name?”  Tinstack held his axe out in front of his body in a blocking gesture.

“What are you talking about?”  Ephellia touched her fingers to her chest and made a half step backwards.  “I know who he is.”

The dwarf shook his head.  “No.  What is his name?”

Ephellia looked back and forth in a little bit of a panic.

“What is my name!”  The dwarf demanded.

Ephellia looked up and frowned at the dwarf.

“You’re missing a button.”  The dwarf gestured towards the human with his axe.

Ephellia looked down at her blouse then looked back up at them.  Her face contorted into something grotesque.  It solidified and the rest of the body followed in form.

“Give me the gem!”  The draconian reached out with a scale covered black arm.

“Quicksnatch, run!”  The dwarf lunged forward bringing the axe through an arc at the monster.

“No way!”  The kender yelled back and he hurled a dagger at the creature.

The axe sliced empty air as the draconian leapt back but the dagger embedded itself into the shoulder of the draconian.  The creature let out a roar and yanked the dagger and flung it back at the kender in a single motion.

“You have to get the gem far away!”  The dwarf leveled the axe head at the draconian and charged impaling the draconian on the short spike at the tip.  “It’s now your mission!  Get it back to the elves!”

The kender stiffened at the mention of a mission.  He saluted with his hoopak and took off running in the opposite direction.  A short ways away he spotted a stream and made for there.

“If I walk along the stream for a while I can make them lose my tracks!”  He said out loud regardless of lacking an audience.

As he entered the bush line along the stream he stopped in his tracks.  He spotted a person kneeling at the edge of the stream.  He squinted a little to be sure he recognized the person right.

“Ephellia?”  He said in a startled voice.

She looked up at him.  “Quicksnatch, did you get any rabbits?”

“Ephellia!”  The kender shouted.  “It is you!”

“Of course it is me, I have only been gone for ten minutes!  You act like I have been gone for ages!”

The kender stood with his mouth open before he snapped to.  “Tinstack is killing you!”

“You are making a lot less sense than normal.”  Ephellia lifted a canteen out of the water streamed down the fur covered side.  She let the flow stop before capping off the top.

“Seriously!”  The kender bounced back and forth pleading.  “You have to come see!  He is killing you right now!”

“Me?”  She smirked then froze.  “Me?  As in someone who looks like me?”

“Well they were a lot scalier when I left.”

Ephellia dropped the canteen and dashed up the stream bank.  She drew her sword as she ran.

“Yes!”  She heard Glimfury’s voice cry out in her mind as she burst into the battle.  Tinstack tumbled backwards just as Ephellia arrived.  His axe fell and rebounded off a root to a distance out of the dwarf’s grasp.  The Draconian raised a claw in the air and readied to gut the dwarf.

Ephellia heard a scream of joy in her head at the same moment as her sword met with the upraised claw.  She could feel no hesitation in the sword swing from the skin or bones.  The draconian swung down at the dwarf but the lower arm and hand just kind of floated for a moment before falling away.

The Draconian screamed out in pain and Ephellia followed up her swing with a back hand across the back of the head and sliced the upper two thirds off the body.  The scream turned to a gurgle that stopped once the body finished crumpling to the ground.

Ephellia looked down at the mostly headless corpse at her feet.  She was getting tired of seeing herself dead so often.

“You okay?”  She asked the dwarf.

“What is my name?”  He asked her.

“Come on now.”  Ephellia reached down for the dwarf’s hand to help him up.

He batted it away and rolled away to get up on his own.  “No, what is my name?”

“Tinstack, are you feeling okay?”  The dwarf released a gust of air from his lungs.

“I hate draconians.”  Tinstack said as he leaned back against a tree and then slid down into a seated position.


Part 6


Four guards stood outside the city gate with the gate itself closed behind them.

“It’s market day today isn’t it?”  Quicksnatch asked in a low voice.

Ephellia nodded.  “This road should be teaming with carts going in to the city and the gates should be open.”

“Maybe they are securing for the coronation tonight?”  Tinstack said weakly.

Ephellia shook her head.  “No, not this tight.  They need to get supplies into the city.”

Ephellia placed her hand on the grip of her sword.

“Are we about to kill something?”  A voice whispered in her head.

She let her hand fall off the hilt and the voice went silent.

“You don’t think they canceled market day do you?”  Quicksnatch said with a whimper.

Ephellia nodded.  “Yes, I think they have.”

The kender stopped in his tracks.

The dwarf walked past him but stopped as he looked at his companion’s face.

“Are you crying?”  Tinstack asked of the Halfling?

Quicksnatch made wet soggy noises with his nose and then rubbed his face on his sleeve.

“What is going on?”  Ephellia circled back to the pair.  “Is he crying?”

“If that is not crying, I don’t know what it is.”  The dwarf said.  “Quicksnatch, snap out of it boy!  We have a mission!”

The kinder sniffed loudly.  “The question is why are you not crying?  It’s market day!  It is like the best day ever! And they canceled it!”

“There will be other market days.”  Ephellia assured him.  “And today we would not have had time to go to it anyway.  We need to find out what happened to Sharhett and get the gem to him.”

“But we killed Sharhett!”  Quicksnatch mourned.  “Couldn’t we have just looked around a little?”

“No, we killed a doppelganger draconian of him.”  The dwarf corrected.  “He may still be alive.”

“Hey!”  One of the guards approached from the gate to the stationary party.  “What are you doing out here on the road.  It is restricted!”

Ephellia turned around towards the guard to answer but as soon as the guard saw her face he stopped dead in his tracks with his mouth hanging open.  Then he took a few steps back and landed with a clank as he and his armor clad body hit into the ground.  In a mere moment he regained his feet and ran back towards the gate shouting something.

“Well that can’t be good.”  Tinstack stood at Ephellia’s elbow.

“I don’t know why he should be acting that way.”  Ephellia pondered.

“Maybe he was so happy to see us that he wanted to go back and tell the others so they could all meet us and congratulate us on doing such a great job!”  The Kender’s mood suddenly lifted and he skipped ahead of the human and dwarf.

“Quicksnatch wait!”  Ephellia yelled.

The Kender continued towards the city a short distance away.  Ephellia looked ahead and all four guards stood at the ready with swords draw and held defensive stances in front of the gate.  Then she looked up at the wall.

“Stop!”  She commanded in her voice reserved for just such occasions.

The kender stopped dead in his tracks and immediately after he stopped an arrow slammed into the ground between his feet.

“That nearly hit me!”  The kender complained.  “You need to be more careful!”  The kender shouted towards the archers atop the wall.

“I don’t think they did that on accident.”  The dwarf said.

Ephellia instinctively reached for her sword but stayed her hand.  “Don’t draw your weapons.  They could just kill us before we even reached anyone.”

Two of the guards approached from the gate with swords drawn.  “Identify yourselves!”

“I am Ephellia Silverside, and I am accompanied by Tinstack Sharpaxe, and Quicksnatch Catfeet.”

“They are not really cat feet, that is just my uncle’s name.”  The kender added.

“That is what I suspected.”  One of the guards said.  “You are under arrest by order of King Heir Sharhett!”

“Arrest?”  The dwarf asked Ephellia.

“He did not have cat feet either, though I am not sure about his uncle.”  The kender continued.

Ephellia shrugged at the dwarf then turned back to the guards.  “On what grounds?”

“Kidnapping, assault, and attempted murder!”

“What are you talking about?”  The dwarf called out.  “And are you saying that Sharhett Holtfound is still alive?”

“Yes, but no thanks to you.”  The guard growled and brandished his sword at them.

Ephellia instinctively reached for her sword.


Ephellia stood on a plain of grass.  Actually as she looked around it appeared to be a hill.  The grass slowly curved down and away from her in every direction until it just vanished at the edge of sight.  Nothing broke through the grass.  It all looked the same, not even any flowers or weeds showed.  She turned in a full circle and every direction she saw the same thing.in every direction.

“Plain I know.”  A voice came from behind her.

A black man stood there in clothing woven of silver threads.  His skin looked like polished ebony.  He lacked hair.  He did not even have eyebrows she noted.  She reached for her sword and only found air.

“I am not there.”  The man said with a smile.

“What do you mean?”  She asked him.

He shook his head and did not answer.  He gestured to their surroundings.  “I said it is pretty plain out here.”

She looked around again and saw only grass had to agree with him.

“It is not usually this way, but I did not want any distractions.”

“Distractions from what?”  She approached him and tried to grab out for him but caught only air.

“Pay attention.”  He growled.  “Don’t do that again.  We only have another minute or two.”

“Why did you bring me here?”  She demanded.

“Because you have something on you that is interfering with me, it is keeping me from being my full strength.”

“What are you talking about?”  She sounded confused.  “I don’t have anything of yours or that would do anything to you.”

“You are wearing a necklace.”  Her hand went right to it and closed around it as he told her this.  “And it is blocking most of my power.

“What power?”  She asked him, still gripping the necklace.

“That necklace is centuries old and has been imbued with some negation field.  It is not aimed at me but something else, but it is effecting me.”  He told her.

She opened her hand and looked at the small silver dragon pendant.  “It was a gift from my mother.  I have always worn it.”

“Have you ever taken it off?”  The ebony man stood next to her now.  His body gave off a cool radiance.

Ephellia wracked her memories and could not ever remember a time that she had ever removed it.

“Has the chain ever broken maybe?”  He walked around in front of her.

She shook her head.  That did seem odd now that he had mentioned it.

“So take off, if it is just a necklace, then take it off.”  He instructed her.

She felt no desire to remove it and simply dropped it back to her chest.

The man snorted.  “I thought as much.  You must take it off if you want me to be at full power.”

“Who are you?”  She had to look over her shoulder at him this time.

“Oh!  We are out of time!”  He said suddenly with a snap.  “If you want to live, you had better let go of me.”

“Let go of you?”  She shook her head to try to get through the confusion.  “Who are you?”

“I am Glimfury.”  He told her.  “Now let go of me.”



Ephellia looked down at her hand where it was just next to the hilt of her sword.  Her hand felt particularly warm.  She looked up and the two guards stood with swords brandished and behind them several archers stood with crossbows at ready and aimed at her chest.

“Good!  Now drop your sword belt!”  The lead guard demanded.

“What happened there?”  Tinstack asked.  “You zoned out for a little bit. And a bad time to do it too!”

“I was talking to someone she said absently and she pulled the buckle on her belt and the sword belt fell to the ground.

Nearby a guard had his foot on Quicksnatch’s back.  She looked at the dwarf and saw two guards busied themselves tying him up.

As her belt hit the ground someone grabbed her from the other side and pulled her arms behind her.  The force of the person behind her knocked her down to her knees and with some pushing the person had her face down on the ground.

Ephellia hardly noticed the rough treatment.  She felt with her mild what she had on her body and she could definitely feel the necklace at her throat and the little trinket dangling there.



“If Sharhett is alive then we need to see him!”  Ephellia insisted.

A couple of guards held them captive in an interrogation room and had chained their hands down to a table while the guards went through their stuff.

“Sharhett is alive regardless of your previous attempts to kill him!”  One of the guards barked.

“Why did you run from the city the day he was assaulted?”  The other asked while digging through Ephellia’s pack.

“We did not run!  We were on a mission!”  The kender complained.  “And we were with Sharknet too!”

Ephellia gave Quicksnatch a stern look and he seemed to melt back from her gaze.

“Err.”  The kender looked back and forth for a moment.  “I mean Sharhett.  We went with him to look for…”

Both guards stopped searching and stood up and stared at the Halfling.

“Looking for what?”  One of the guards took a step closer to him.

Quicksnatch looked at his two companions and then to the guards.  He looked down for a moment and mumbled something to himself.  Finally he addressed the approaching guards.  “Yeah!  We were looking for a good place for a picnic!”

One guard slapped a meaty hand on the kender’s shoulder and leaned him back.  “You I will search first!”

“You already have my pouch!  I can show you anything in there you like, I have these two buttons that are quite amazing and I cannot quite remember where I got them from but you really have to see them.”  Quicksnatch gestured with only his fingers towards the pouch against the wall.

“In due time, I need to search you to make sure you have not stashed anything on you.”  The guard barked and reached for the Halfling.

Quicksnatch burst out into a fit of laughter.

“What is that about?”  The guard pulled back slightly.

“I’m ticklish!”  The kender claimed as he wiggled.

“I have not touched you yet.”  The guard stated and moved forward again.

Quicksnatch burst out laughing again and wiggled away from the prying hands.

“Get over here and hold this thing down.”  The guard waved the other guard over.

“Unchain his hands?”  The other guard asked.

The first guard shook his head.  “You want untied kender hands loose while you are holding him down?”

Quicksnatch wiggled and giggled through the whole process of being held down and searched.

After a few minutes the two men pulled away.  Sweat dripped from their brows and they huffed for breath.

“Would it be easier if we just kill it?”  One guard suggested.

“Yeah.”  The kender interjected.  “If you kill me it would stop being so ticklelish!”

Ephellia rolled her eyes.

“You are next missy!”  The guards moved towards Ephellia.  “I think I may enjoy this.”

Ephellia scowled at him but did not verbalize any response.”

“You get the dwarf.”  The guard at Ephellia ordered.  “I got this one taken care of.”

A low growl emerged out of Ephellia’s throat.

The guard pulled Ephellia into a hunched-over standing position with her hands still chained down.  He started low and worked his way up on her body.  When he got a little personal she pulled away.  He grunted and pulled her back and continued his search being a bit handsy in places.  Ephellia had difficulty fighting against him.  Luckily her struggles kept him from feeling up too much.  They both came to a standstill when his hands closed around something hanging from her neck.

“What have we got here?”  The guard cackled.  “A pretty little trinket.”

He opened his hand and looked down at the small silver dragon charm.

Ephellia looked at the charm and then at her guard.  A wicked smile cracked his face as their eyes met.

“I think I will keep this for myself.”  He chortled and closed his hand in a fist around the talisman and he pulled slightly.

The guard’s eyes kind of glazed over for a minute and he stopped moving.  Then he looked down at his hand and released the dragon.

“You find anything over there?”  The guard said turning away from Ephellia.  “The dwarf didn’t have anything.”

“Nothing.  Did the girl?”  The other guard asked.

The first guard looked at Ephellia for a brief moment and then shook his head.  “I…  I am going to search her in a bit.  I am going to go through the other stuff.”

“But didn’t you just?”  The second guard came over the join him against the wall where the bags and weapons of the party had been tossed.  “I can search her if you like.”

The first guard turned and looked at Ephellia again and then quickly glanced away.  “No reason to worry about it.”

“You want to go through the kender pouch?”

“Not me, it is likely full of traps!”

“No traps!  I can go through it for you and tell you all about everything in there!”  Quicksnatch volunteered.

“Shush you stupid fool.”  Tinstack admonished.

“What is this?”  The second guard lifted up a scabbard.

“I probably woul—”  Ephellia started to argue.

“Shut up you!”  The guard with her sword barked.  “No talking in the shackles!”

The guard smirked at Ephellia and then looked over at the other guard and started to chuckle before gripping the hilt of the sword.

The guard went completely still as his hand closed around the grip.

“I tried to warn him.”  Ephellia said.

“Quiet!”  The other guard commanded then turned to his partner.  “You okay?”

The guard slowly unsheathed the sword out and did not draw his eyes from the blade.

“Cor, that is a beaute!”  The second guard admired.

The scabbard hit the ground with a thunk and the guard raised the sword up with both hands.

“Now, no playing around.”  The second guard half laughed but took a step back.

A moment later the second guard lay on the floor with a slash from shoulder to belly button.

“Oh wow!”  The kender peered over the table at the corpse.  “Were you really mad at him?”

Ephellia and Tinstack attempted to jump up and move back but their bindings held them to the table.

The guard turned and set its eyes on Ephellia.  Solid black covered the entire surface of the eyes.

“Take off the necklace!”  The guard raised the sword over his head again and moved a step to close the distance between himself and Ephellia.

A cold draft poured across Ephellia.  She shivered and slightly shook her head.

The guard growled and brought the sword down hard.  It landed hard in the table right between her hands.  The chains binding her went asunder.

The guard looked up from the chop into her eyes with his hollow sockets.  “Take it off!”

She stood up and backed away shaking her head.  In her fist she held the tiny silver dragon.

“Gah!”  The guard yelled out.  “I cannot maintain this, come talk to me!”

The guard stopped moving and his eye color returned.  From his nose streamed a streak of blood and he fell to the ground.

“What the hell was that?”  Tinstack’s voice sounded a bit higher than normal.

“That was Glimfury, my sword.”  Her own voice wavered.

“Your sword just saved us?”  Quicksnatch piped up.  “I want to try it!”

Ephellia glared at the kender.  “No.”

The kender felt the seriousness in the single syllable and backed off.

“Can you get me loose?”  Tinstack asked Ephellia.

“I’ll find their keys.”  She stated.  “Quicksnatch, where is the gem?”

“It’s in my pocket?”  He stated.

“How could it be in your pocket, they searched you.”

“Well, when they were tickling me I did not want it to fall out of my pocket and lose it so I put it in one of their pockets for safe keeping.”

Ephellia stood up from her search at this statement.  “How could you do that, your hands were chained.”

“It is a shame about the quality of the shackles in this place.”  The kender suddenly appeared right next to her with his hand out and the gem resting in his palm.  “They really should upgrade their hardware.  It is barely any effort to get out of them.  Why they might work better if they were broken then at least there would be a chance of them getting jammed.”

Ephellia exhaled deeply and grabbed the gem up from the kender.  She looked it over for a moment then handed it back to him.  “Keep it safe!”

The kender nodded enthusiastically.  “Of course!  Just as I have been!”

“Go get Tinstack loose.”  Ephellia directed the Halfling as she walked around the table.  She had to step around the corpse on that side and push it a little with her foot to stand right in front of the sword embedded in the table.

“What are you doing?”  Tinstack asked.

“I am going to go talk to him.  I need to know what is going on”  She said simply.

“Who?  Glimfury?”  The dwarf’s voice really went up in pitch.  “You are crazier and stupider than the addle brained kender!”

“Maybe.”  She said and reached down and took ahold of the handle of the sword.

“Can I come?”  The kender’s voice sounded distant and hollow as if through a long hallway.


Part 7


Ephellia opened her eyes.  She stood again on the grassy unending plain.

“You actually came.”  A voice rumbled behind her

She turned knowing what she would see and her eyes met those of the ebony skinned man.

“Where are we?”  Another voice asked her.

Both her and Glimfury looked down at the kender standing between them.

“How did that get here?”  Glimfury took half a step back and raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t know how I got here, so I really cannot answer that.”  She replied.

“Where is everything?”  The kender complained.  “It is really boring here.”

Glimfury let out a sigh.  “There is a bazar just at the bottom of the hill.”

“Which way?”  Quicksnatch asked.

The black man pointed to his right and the kender ran past.

“There is a bazar in here?”  Ephellia asked.

Glimfury shook his head.  “There will be when he gets there though.  At least he will think so.”

“Why the necklace?”  Ephellia cut to the chase.

“It is holding me back.”

“Maybe that is a good thing.”  Ephellia stated.  “I saw what you did to the guards and they did not have any protection.

“You are different.”  The man started walking a slow ring around her.  “There is something about you.  I cannot quite get it, but together we would be very powerful.  We could defeat anything together if only you would remove the necklace.”

“And what would keep you then from then just killing me?”

He stopped midstep.  “I would sooner destroy a piece of fine art.  You are the perfect vessel.  We could both do so much together but for one thing…”

“The necklace.”  She acknowledged.

“The necklace.”  He echoed immediately after.

“But you would promptly just take over my body and then use me for your own will and never let me go.”  She argued.

“You saw what happened to the guard that wielded the sword?”

Ephellia nodded..

“For me to take over a body it rips apart the mind.  If I ripped apart your mind then I would lose my perfect vessel.  I like being out in the world again and getting to fight.  I don’t want to mess that up.”

Ephellia nodded.  “But what is in it for me?”

“Hey!”  Quicksnatch showed up suddenly between them.  “I did not have enough money for roast corn so I went back to my body and fetched some coins out of my pouch.”

“You cannot—”   Glimfury attempted to say something to the kender but the kender just took off back down the hill.

“How is he here?”  The sword asked Ephellia again.

She shrugged.  “So what is in it for me?”

“Power!”  Glimfury gripped his hands in upturned fists in front of him.  “You would have enough power to be nearly invincible.  I can channel all my energy through you and you can direct it.”

“Where would that get me?”  She tapped her foot.

“Well,”  Glimfury said, “Out of here.”

“Be we are inside of your mind or something.”  Ephellia argued.

The sword shook his head.  “No, you are standing at the table in the guard room gripping my handle.  There are two dead guards in the room with you, you have become unchained, and there will likely be more guards show up any time.  If you get past them then you will have a whole city between there and freedom.”

“And you can get me out of that?”

He smirked a little and shrugged one shoulder.  “You and me together could level this whole town.”



The iron stench of blood filled Ephellia’s nose.  She looked down and her had was just inches from the handle of the sword.  The kender lay across the table with his hands outstretched and one of the just touching the hilt.

“What happened?”  Tinstack asked.  “I was about ready to knock you off of there.”

She looked around and realized she was back in the guardroom.  “We were talking about the necklace.  I don’t think I am in any danger from him.  And he is only mildly annoyed with Mr. Catpaws.

“Only mildly annoyed?”  The dwarf snickered.  “Must be a made of steel.”

Ephellia took a deep breath and started to reach for the sword again.

“You going back?”  The dwarf move forward.  “What if someone comes?”

“The sword will warn me and kick me out.”

“I don’t trust your sword too much.”  Tinstack said.

“Neither do I.”  She reached forward and closed her grip around



Glimfury stood before her.  “Back again I see.  Why did you leave?”

“I don’t wish to level this town.”  Ephellia stood toe to toe with the man.  “I just need to get out of this safely and finish my mission.”

“But the man who assigned you this mission thinks you are an enemy.”  Glimfury argued.

“I will have to convince him otherwise.”  She turned away and crossed her arms.

“Why convince when you can conquer?”  He came up alongside her and put an arm around her shoulders.

She pulled away.  “I have no desire to conquer!”

He held up his hands defensively.  “Okay, okay.  No conquering.”

“I will think about it.”  She kept her arms crossed.

Glimfury frowned for a moment then a sly grin flashed across his features.

“There are more guards coming.”  He said.  “We should go take care of them.”

She narrowed her eyes.



Ephellia found herself in the guardroom still gripping the sword lodged  in the table.  The kender still lay unmoving with a hand on the grip.

“Get off of there!”  Ephellia complained and broke his grip.  In the sudden surprise of being in the guard room Quicksnatch rolled off the side of the table.

“He says there are guards coming!”  Ephellia heaved the sword loose from the table.

The dwarf already had his equipment on him.  The kender made a dash for his hoopak.

Ephellia loosed one hand from the sword and grabbed the charm.  She pulled slightly but then released her grip.  With both hands on the sword she readied for the attack.

The door creaked open and a pair of guards walked in casually.  “…no, but she said it was not him but the other guy—”

The kender and dwarf rushed forward and bashed the pair right back through the doors.

The kender, in full battle excitement rushed out the door with them.  A moment later he came running back.  “There are a lot more out there coming and they saw me!”

Tinstack shook his head.  “It has been good fighting alongside you two.  Let’s make this good.”

“It’s going to be fun!”  Quicksnatch yipped.

Ephellia stood between them.  Her shoulders bobbed with each breath.  People started shouting outside.

The dwarf hunched down ready to launch himself.

“Wait!”  Ephellia suddenly decided.  “I will get us out of this.”

She reached up with one hand and grabbed the pendent and before she could change her mind she yanked it free of her body.  It fell to the floor before her.

“The necklace!”  A voice said inside of her.  “It is gone!”

She looked down at the sword in her hand and then cast it aside.

She looked around where she was and sudden panic struck.  “I have to get outside!”

“You have to what?”  Tinstack asked.

Ephellia lurched forward just as a couple of guards tried the doorway.  She put out a palm towards them and watched as they were easily moved out of her way.  They tumbled back out into the street but unharmed.  She reached the doorway and heard a twang of a bow released.  It was immediately followed by countless more.

She reached out and grabbed the first projectile out of the air inches from herself.  The others seemed to be deflected in mid-air around her.

“Get back everyone!”  Ephellia shouted.

Several guards broke away from the line and charged her.  She waved them away and sent them tumbling over the heads of their colleagues.

Ephellia felt a pressure building inside of her.  She moved from the doorway and staggered into the middle of the street.  Several arrows attempted to make purchase on her and did not make it all of the way.

“Get back now!”  She shouted.

She fell down on her knees.  The pressure continued to build and boil under her skin.

A few guards pulled back, others started a cautious approach.

“Too much…”  She strained to hold the pressure in but it suddenly leapt from her body.  A shockwave shot out from the ground where she stood into the crowd around her.  The blast carried Anyone within fifty feet of her backwards onto buildings and other people.

Dizziness prevailed and she wavered.  “My necklace.  I need my necklace.”

Ephellia’s eyes rolled up and she fell straight forward into blackness.


Part 8


She opened her eyes and craned her neck to look around.  People surrounded her on all sides and stepped back as she turned her head their way.

“My necklace.”  She felt as if the words scratched at her throat but came out as a dull rumble.

A collective gasp came up from the crown as she spoke.

“She is going to find me.”  She said and turned back towards the guard room.  “She remembered dropping it there.”

She looked down at her hand.  No longer did she have fleshy appendages, but scaly claws.

“It’s a silver!”  Someone shouted out behind her.

A dwarf stood in the doorway of the guardhouse.  She recognized him and after a moment of searching unfamiliar memories she finally put a name to the face.  “Tinstack.”

He dropped his axe and took a step back.

“I need my necklace, quickly.”  Her voice shook the ground.

“Wow!”  Quicksnatch stepped out into the open and leaned back to look at her.  “You’re a dragon!”

“Yes,” She answered, “where is my—”

“Can I ride on you?”  Quicksnatch came running towards her.

She lowered her head to his level and let out a deep low roar that bowled him over backwards and shook the walls of the surrounding buildings.  She let loose some dragon fear.  People in the crowd around her scattered.

“Find my necklace!”  She ordered.  “She can feel me and she is searching for me!”

The kender scrambled to her feet and ran into the guard building.

Tinstack winced and fought his reflex to run away.  He called out to her in a strained voice.  “Ephellia?  You are a dragon?”

She moved deftly towards him and put her face up next to his.  “Ephellia is a human form I take when I wear the necklace.  It binds me to that form.”

“B-b-but you never said you were a dragon before.”  The dwarf stammered.  ‘I have known you for years.”

The dragon drew in a long breath and then made a sighing noise.  “I don’t know I am a dragon when I am in that form and I cannot find out either.  You will not tell me!  Is that understood?”

The dwarf shook his head.

“Look,” The silver dragon said, “My name is Symphallia the Silver.  My kind has been hunted to near extinction.  I have to hide from Takhisis or she will seek me out and kill me.  I can already feel her focusing in on me here.  She will send her minions to destroy this town to get to me.

“This necklace?”  The kender held aloft a silver charm.

“Yes!”  The dragon howled with glee.  “Bring it to me!”

The kender ran forward and held the amulet out.  “What about our mission?”

The dragon looked at the kender and then out across the city.  She growled.

“Get on my back.”  She ordered.

“Yipee!”  Quicksnatch leapt towards the dragon and eagerly climbed up a foreleg up to the shoulder.

“Get on.”  She ordered the dwarf.

He stepped back and shook his head.

In a quick movement she scooped him up in her mouth and deposited him on her back.

“Hold on to something!”  She commanded and they were suddenly a hundred feet off the ground.

“Dragon!”  The Dwarf hollered.  “Let me down from here, I have underthings to change!”

The kender laughed and then yipped for joy at watching the ground pass under them.  “Where are we going?”

“To the coronation!”  The dragon stated and then descended steeply towards the castle.

The kender giggled

The dwarf coughed and emitted a gurgling noise.

The dragon dove right down into the side garden of the castle.  The dwarf fell off tumbling.  He landed in a bed of flowers and made fierce retching noises.

Three guards came running up but immediately lowered their weapons as they saw the dragon.

“Symphallia?”  The eldest of the guards called out to her.

“Old friend Kirim.”  She said in a light and jovial voice that belied her large size.  “It has been a long time.”

“Two hundred and thirty-seven years.”  Kirim stated.  “Give or take.  Where have you been?  We thought the dark one took you.”

She let out a low chuffing sound.  “It has been far too long but I must go away again.  Even now I sense she is coming.  The dwarf and the kender were taken prisoner and should not have been.  They have another companion named Ephellia.  They are all to be treated as heroes.”

“For what?”  Kirim asked.

“Show him.”  She directed this towards the Halfling.

Quicksnatch slid down off the back of the dragon and landed lightly on his feet.  A moment later his topknot and pouch caught up with him and settled in with gravity’s grasp.  He dipped his hand in the pouch and then held aloft the gem.

“Is that…”  Kirim started to ask.

“Yes.”  Symphallia replied and then turned to the kender.  “Give it to Tinstack and get on my back!”

“I get to fly again!”  The kender practically threw the gem at the dwarf and charged right up the side of the silver dragon.

The kender had barely made purchase when the city dropped from beneath them.

“You have the necklace?”  She called back to him.

“In my pouch!”  He called back then let out a long, “Yipee!”

Symphallia turned to run with the wind to add its speed to her own.  In about an hour and after having to catch the kender only twice, she landed in a field of sheep.

One of the sheep disappeared whole into her maw as they landed.

The kender leapt off the back of the dragon and danced around the field in delight.  “I want to go again!”

Over the crunching noises of bones the dragon growled slightly.  “We cannot.  I need your help to become Ephellia again.”

“Do you have to?”  Quicksnatch whined.  “We could have so much fun like this!”

Symphallia chuffed a couple of times which might have been laughs.  Then she swallowed the mouthful of lamb.  “No little one, as tempting as it is, I must go into hiding again.  One day when she is defeated I will be able to emerge once more and be me.”

“What will happen to Ephellia then?”  The kender asked.

“She is and always will be a part of me, but she should never know of me for her own protection.”

“I won’t tell her!”

“You have to promise!”  She lowered her face to his.

“Promise?”  The kender kicked at a dirt hank on the ground.  “Like promise, promise?”

“Like a for real promise.”  The dragon’s breath washed warm over his body.  “You can never tell me I am a dragon.”

The kender sighed.  “Okay.”

“Okay what?”

“Okay, I promise.”  He said in a whine.

“This is important Quicksnatch!  You promise me and you mean it!”

The kender nodded.  “Yes, I mean it!  I will not tell you that you’re a dragon!”

“Quick!”  Symphallia said.  “I feel them nearing, press the pendant against my neck.”

The kender reached into his pouch and held aloft the trinket.

The dragon moved her head forward to give him access.

Quicksnatch put one hand on the side of the neck and stroked it gently feeling the rough silver scales glide under his palm.  “I am going to miss you Symphallia!”

He thrust his other hand forward and pressed the small silver dragon at the neck of the real dragon.  The dragon bucked and lashed around but somehow its neck remained still enough that the kender stayed in one place and kept his grip.

“I will miss you too.”  The dragon hissed and an instant later Quicksnatch found himself clinging, a little personally, to Ephellia.

“What are you doing?”  The human complained and thrust the kender off of her.

“Ephellia!”  The kender hit the ground and bounced right back up at her.  “I missed you!”

“Missed me?  Where did I go?  How did we get here?”

“Oh, it is a long story.  Let’s see, you grabbed the sword, and there was a dragon, everyone ran and—”

“A dragon?”  Ephellia asked.  “There are no dragons.”

“Yes, a dragon.”  The kender said.  “Only it definitely wasn’t you.”

“I should think not.”

Tales of Uncle Catpaws – How I Almost Lost My arm in an Arm Wrestling Match PT 3

Start at Part 1

Tales of Uncle Catpaws – How I Almost Lost My arm in an Arm Wrestling Match PT 2

Quicksnatch moaned.  He opened his eyes and all he could see was the bark of a tree.

“Did anyone see the troll that run me over?”  He said and started to lift his head.  The sharp pain of changing positions too quickly made him drop his head back.

“Oh.”  A gruff voice said nearby.  “It is awake.  I will take care of that.”

“No you will not!”  Through the haze Quicksnatch recognized Ephellia’s voice.

Footsteps came closer and he lifted his head.  He saw what he assumed were Ephellia’s feet.

“Why are all the dots dancing around in my head?”  He tried to angle himself up more as the pain faded.

“You fell and got bumped on the head.”  The gruff voice said.

“Just not in that order.”  Ephellia shot the dwarf a frown then knelt down and looked into the kender’s face.  “You look okay.  How do you feel?”

“Like draconian stew meat.”  Quicksnatch found himself draped over a tree stump with his head dangling off.  “Not a very comfortable bed you found me.”

“Shut your screechy yap or I’ll find somewhere a bit more Comfortable.”  The dwarf put an emphasis on the last word.

“Yes please!”  Quicksnatch said.  “I would like to start the whole nap over in a nice comfortable feather bed!”

The dwarf grunted and poked a stick into the fire.

Ephellia assisted the kender in getting fully upright on the stump.

“So why did I take a nap anyway?”  The kender sat on the stump and rubbed his temples with the heel of his hands.  “Things were just getting interesting.  Hey!  Someone lose a bracelet?  Where did this bracelet come from?”

The dwarf leapt to his feet and Ephellia put herself between the two.  The dwarf narrowed his eyes at her.

“Tinstack!”  Ephellia’s voice carried tones of anger and disappointment.

The dwarf squinted his eyes tightly and let out a growl.  “Fine!”  He kicked out spraying dirt around the human’s feet then turned and went back to the fire.

“Tinstack?”  The Kender giggled.  “What kind of a name like that for a dwarf?  Tin is so weak!  Why I bet his parents—”

Ephellia slapped her hand across the kender’s mouth and shook her head at him.  “You push him and he is going to take the easy way out of getting that bracelet off.”

“I’ll cut it off!”  Tinstack shouted without looking their way.

“That would ruin the bracelet.”  The kender admired the piece on his arm and grinned as the light played off all the tiny diamonds.

“It would ruin your arm!”  The dwarf injected.

The kender looked at his arm and rubbed it up and down He looked up at Ephellia.

She nodded.  “He was bringing you out here to cut off your arm to get the bracelet off.  I have talked him out of it… for now.”

The kender slid the bracelet up and down his arm a little bit.  “I can see how that would work.  If you cut off my arm just below the wrist my stump would be narrow enough to slide the bracelet right off.”

“See!”  Tinstack stood up.  “He does not even care!  He is just a kender; let me cut his arm off!”

“You are not cutting his arm off!”  She took a step towards the dwarf.

“When I grew a new hand what do you think it would look like?”  Quicksnatch cooed.

“Shut up little one,” Ephellia snapped back at the kender, “you won’t grow a new one and you are not helping your case.”

“If you want it, just take it from me!”  Quicksnatch barked.  “I don’t even know how it got there!’

“You put it on!”  Tinstack snarled as he fumbled for his axe off of his backpack.  “Now I should take it off!”

“Tinstack!  I told you I would not allow it!”  She stood with her arms akimbo.  She glared down at him.

“Bah!  You cannot stop me!  I have just been polite with you since you are a woman!”  Tinstack punched his fist into the flat of the axe and the metal rang through the air.  “Now move out of the way!”

“No!”  She stood up tall above him.  “You shall not!”

“You can’t stop me!”  He put his arm up to shove her aside.

“I will fight you for his arm!”

“I would kill you!”  The dwarf growled.

“Arm-wrestle.”  Ephellia stated flatly.

Tinstack stepped back half a step and raised his eyebrows.

“No offense.”  Quicksnatch’s head appeared above Ephellia’s shoulder.  “I think he would win and my arm would get cut off anyway.  I have thought about it too, if it is not going to grow back then I prefer he not cut it off.  I rather need it.”

Ephellia turned around to find the kender standing atop of the stump.  “No worries little one, he is not going to cut off your arm.”

“To the Abyss!  I will have that bracelet and if it takes cutting his arm off, I will!”

“You will not.”  Ephellia crossed her arms.  “He is under my protection.”

“Accepted.”  Tinstack said.

“Good!”  Ephellia nodded once firmly.  “I am glad you came—”

Tinstack pushed his way past the woman.  “I mean I accept your arm-wrestling challenge.  Let’s get this over with so I can cut off his arm.”

Tinstack gave the kender a slight shove at the kneecap which overbalanced the halfling and sent him sprawling into the forest litter.  He then slapped his elbow down on the stump.  “I will try not to break your arm.”

Ephellia smirked and shook her head.  She knelt down to come down to the same level as the dwarf.  “Likewise.”  She said in even tone.

“I am not going easy on you for being a girl!”  He growled at her.

“Good!”  She replied.  “I will not go easy on you for being a dwarf.”

He roared and grasped her hand.  He seethed and stared at her face.

“I am not going to play any games.”  She told him.  “I am just going to win.”

He took that as his cue to start only the harder he pushed against her, the further she moved his arm down.  Moments later the back of his hand met the stump.

“Takhisis!”  The dwarf swore.

Ephellia released the arm of the dwarf stood up and in a flash knocked the dwarf to the ground and pinned up down holding a hand across his mouth.  When everything settled she looked not at him but the surrounding woods.  He struggled beneath her but could not release himself.

Finally she released him and stood up slowly.  “You should watch what names you blindly call upon!  They might just answer.”

“How did you…”  The dwarf rubbed his arm.

Ephellia paid him no mind.  She ministered to the kender.  “We are still going to have to get that bracelet off of you.”

The kender looked around the woman at the dwarf.  He stuck his tongue out at him.

“Who are you?”  Tinstack spoke in a low astonished tone.

“The one that beat you in arm-wrestling.”  She stated not looking back at him.  “That and my name is all you need to know.”

“The only one.”  The dwarf said under his breath as he picked up his discarded axe.

Tales of Uncle Catpaws – How I Almost Lost My arm in an Arm Wrestling Match PT 2

This is part 2, please see this post for part 1.

“Are you sure that it is in this town?”  Ephellia asked.  “Elven eateries are not very common here.”

Quicksnatch dunked everything back into the pack.  “Uncle Gullysurfer has never steered me wrong yet..  I bet if we have a look around we can find it.”

“What is it called?”  Ephellia fell in line behind the kender as he started moving through the people.

Quicksnatch bobbed and weaved between people as easily as anyone else might walk straight.  About a step and a half behind him his topknot glided along behind.  When he stopped and looked around the hair would come up and smack him in the back and spread out a moment before assuming a neat ponytail again.

“There!”  He looked back at Ephellia.  “I think that might be it!”

“It looks more like a pub.”  She looked over and spotted the open-air bar.  A small booth set in one corner with a couple of servers running back and forth between there and the tables.  The demarcation of the bar simply being a rough wooden cattle fence on opposite sides.

Quicksnatch disappeared into the crowd and as she looked she saw his topknot appear and then quickly disappear between the patrons.

She shook her head and looked up the street.  Just a little ways down she spotted Embassy Row which would take her where she was already overdue to.  She did not relish the thought though.

She looked back in the pub.  People were crowded tightly around one area and she could hear shouts and cheering.  She exhaled heavily.

As she pushed into the fray people pushed back.  She used a little force and pried open a path and generally when a person was moved they would turn towards her angrily but suddenly back off when they noticed a woman had just moved them with such force.

“Come on!”  A loud gruff voice sounded over the din.  “Any more takers?  I’ll crush ya easily!”

“Me!”  She instantly recognized that screechy voice and forced her way a little more.

“Anyone?”  The gruff voice answered.

“I’ll take it, mongrel.”  Another voice answered.

“It was my turn!”

She finally reached the center of the action and saw an over-sized human, possibly a half orc, moving to sit at the table.  Next to him the kender bounced up and down in protest, his topknot holding a small arc in the air before falling.

The huge human did not pay him any mind.  Across from the human sat a dwarf.  On the table around him were stacks of coins and jewels.

“I don’t think you are worth it.”  The dwarf sneered and crossed his arms.  “You probably don’t have more than three coppers to your name.”

“I got something to bet!  Let me go next!”  The kender bounced at the side of the table between the two men.

The half-orc smirked and reached inside his pouch.  He extracted a small gold string and laid it on the table.

The dwarf frowned and reached for the trinket.  The human stopped him.  “We bet?”

“We’ll see.”  The dwarf answered.  “Looks pretty cheap to me.”

Ephellia watched the gold chain rise gently into the air as the dwarf daintily picked it up.  Ephellia had a pretty good look from her angle and saw each chain link had a small embedded diamond.  It gave off a bright sparkle when the sun hit it just right, but otherwise they were not very obtrusive.

The dwarf pulled out a jeweler’s loop and closely examined the piece from one end to the other.  He set the loop on the table then grabbed the chain firmly with both hands.  He looked up at the human.

The human nodded once.

With a strain the dwarf pulled at both ends of the chain.  After a moment he stopped and used one hand to wipe his forhead.

“Bet?”  The human asked again.

The dwarf held up a finger then reached for his beer mug.  He looked at the level of the beer and then took a big sip out of it.  He examined the level again and took one more smaller sip.  He set the mug down then wrapped the top of the mug with the small chain.  With a quick flick of his wrist he pulled the chain and it whipped around the top of the mug before coming off in his hand.  He reached for the mug again and gripped it from the top.  The entire mug lifted up off the table for a brief moment before it suddenly snapped into two pieces and the lower portion of the mug dropped back on to the table with a thump.

She looked at the kender and he stood there motionless with his eyes locked on the small chain.  His mouth formed a silent, “Wow.”

The dwarf looked at the half orc and nodded.  “Bet.”

The dwarf set the chain between them then went through his stack of loot and pulled out a small fortune and set it with the chain.  He looked to the human.

The human nodded and put his hand out.

The dwarf took the proffered hand and shook it.

The human smiled.

The dwarf drink the rest of the ale from the bottom half of the mug then tossed the mug behind him.  It collided with the chest of one of the onlookers and crashed down into the floor.  No one paid it any attention.

The dwarf planted his elbow on the table and reached forward.

The human smirked and snatched up the hand and planted his own elbow on the table.  The bar went silent.

The two opponents stared hard at each other.  At some unspoken cue they suddenly started the competition and the crowd started shouting.

The half orc seemed to start out with the advantage and he brought down the dwarf’s arm nearly halfway.  But suddenly, to  the amazement in the crowd, the dwarf pulled them back into a full upright position.

The human struggled and lay more force into his play.  The progress from the dwarf stopped at just past the upright point.

Beads of sweat gathered and ran down the human’s face.

She looked at the dwarf.  His face flushed with red.

The human gained some ground and pulled their arms to just past his side of the arc.  Then progress stopped again.  The dwarf opened his mouth in a sneer and grit his teeth.

The human made a single grunt noise, narrowed his eyes a little and let out another, this time longer, grunt.

The direction of the match shifted again.  The dwarf made steady progress over the middle and halfway to his goal.

The human let out a caterwaul and leaned forward with effort.  The position of the arms shifted back.

The dwarf narrowed his eyes and a low deep growl could be heard.  He leaned in a little and their hands quaked at the joining.

Suddenly the leather armor strap on the right shoulder of the dwarf popped loose from the strain.  The contest quickly ended as the dwarf slammed the arm of his opponent down.  The cheer from the crowd deafened Ephellia momentarily.

The half orc jumped up and snarled at the dwarf.

The dwarf took it in stride and gathered his winnings.  “Do you want to try me, you miscreant?”

The half-orc stood over him for a long moment before growling again and turning away.

“Who is next!”  The dwarf called out.  “Anyone!”

“I am next!”  The kender plopped down at the table across from the dwarf.  “I was supposed to go before him, but—”

“Get up kender.”  The dwarf kept his voice low and even.  “This is not some game at the faire where there is some trick to win.  This is serious.”

“I am serious!”  Quicksnatch stated.  “I was arm wrestling champion for two weeks running back in Hylo.”

“I’m not a kender.”  The dwarf grumbled.  “And you have nothing in which to bet with.”

The kender’s hand slammed down on the table and as he opened it and pulled away a golden broach with matched rubies lay beneath.

The dwarf smirked and swiped the amulet off the table.  He pulled out his loop and only looked at it briefly before dropping it on the table.  “Worthless!”

“I beg your pardon!  It was his beast piece!”  The kender snapped.  “You take the bet and watch me beat you!”

The kender slammed his elbow down on the table and held up his hand in challenge.

The dwarf crossed his eyes and turned his head away.  “You are not worth it.  I could barely get a couple of platinum for that piece of junk!”

“Junk!”  The kender huffed.  “That has been in my family for countless generations!”

“It has probably been in your family all of about 10 minutes.”  The dwarf grumbled.  “There is some poor chap out in the street, or maybe a vendor, but someone is out there right now just noticing that it is gone and you are trying to stick me with it.”

“What are you trying to imply?”  The kender stood up in his chair and leaned across the table to yell.

“I am implying nothing.”  The dwarf said.

“Then let’s fight!”  Quicksnatch dropped back into his chair with a thump and his elbow smacked into the center of the table again with hand in challenge position.

“I said…”  The dwarf narrowed his eyes.

“You said what?”

Faster than it could seem possible the dwarf reached out and grabbed the kender by the arm and pulled the him bodily over the table and into the pile of loot.

“What is this!”  The dwarf demanded looking at the arm of the kender.

“What is what?”  Quicksnatch sounded calm and conversational.

“This bracelet you are wearing!”  The dwarf fumed.  “It is mine!”

“I have had that for a couple of years.  My dad gave it to me on the day of his passing.”  The kender offered.

“That is funny, because just a moment ago it was on my table.”  The dwarf thrust the arm down on the table and the kender moved to sit up.  Here and there coins fell off of his body where they had stuck to him as he lay in the loot.  “Take it off!”

“Okay!”  Quicksnatch fumbled with the latch.

Ephellia suddenly appeared at the kender’s side.  “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know it just happened.  I wasn’t wearing it, and then I was.”  The kender offered.

“Well go back to not wearing it before I cut your arm off to get it!”  The dwarf draw a large axe out of his back sheath.

The kender struggled with it more.  “I cannot get it loose!”

“I bet if it was on my wrist you could get it off in two seconds with your eyes closed.”  The dwarf taunted.  “You are just wasting time.  I am going to cut it off!”

“I am trying to help him and it is just not coming loose.”  Ephellia offered.  “I think it is stuck!”

“I think it is cursed!”  The kender offered.

A loud laughing came from out of the crowd in front of them.  People parted and looked back until the large half-orc was revealed.

.”I am making sure you pay for what you have done!”  The half-orc smiled sardonically and with a quick wave of his arms and a slight popping noise, he was gone.

“Fork jam!”  The dwarf cursed.  “Stupid magic somehow always finds me and messes thing up!”

“So it’s cursed?”  The kender asked in a low voice.  “For reals?”

“Yes.”  The dwarf sat back at his spot with a thump and started gathering his winnings.  “It is cursed.”

“What is going to happen to me?”  The kender asked with an air of curiosity.  “Will my eyes become liquid and run out of their sockets?  Or maybe my toenails will start growing until they dig into the ground and I am rooted to the spot?  Oh!  I know!  I bet all my bone start to shrink until I am all floppy and completely boneless!”

“Is he your friend?”  The dwarf looked at Ephellia and motioned towards the kender.

She nodded.  “But we have only just met.”

“Well, I would advise unmeeting him as quickly as possible.  His kind are trouble.”

“Hey!”  The kender started to argue but found himself distracted again.  “Maybe I will get a curse that makes me eat lots and lots of food and cannot stop until I explode!  Wow!  I am feeling a little hungry, maybe that is the curse!”

“No Halfling,” the dwarf said, “the curse is on me.  I am going to have to put up with you until I can get the curse removed.”

“But what is the curse.”  The kender asked.

“I am going to have to put up with you until I can get the curse removed.”  He made a guttural sound at the kender.

“I know, but what is the curse?”

The dwarf had completed bagging all his goods and with a lash out to the side his hand connected with the underside of the kender’s chin.  The kender became airborne for a moment then dropped down on his back on a table behind them.”

“Excuse me.”  The dwarf said to the patrons at the table as he moved to pick up the prone form.  “Easier to carry them when they sleep.”

“That was not very nice.”  Ephellia protested.

“Get his stick would you?”  The dwarf draped the kender over his shoulder and started making his way out of the bar.  The long topknot trailed in the dirt behind them.

Ephellia reached down and picked up the hoopak and then followed behind.

Tales of Uncle Catpaws – How I Almost Lost My arm in an Arm Wrestling Match PT1 #fanfic #dragonlance

The kender landed face down in the loose dirt and gravel in the middle of the street.

“Keep your sly hands out of my cases!”  The angry vendor shook his fist at the fallen Halfling.

The kender regained his feet and brushed himself and made a quick check on his belongings.

“You should really thank me!”  The kender yelled back at the hairy vendor.  “I was checking your locks for defects and found they are pretty weak!  You really need to get them replaced!”

The kender deftly dodged a kick from the vendor.  “You always put your hands inside the case to check the locks?”

“Of course not you hairy bagelbird butt!”  The kender taunted.  “I was trying to move your more valuable items to the back of the case and out of people’s reach.  With those cheap broken locks—”

“If they are broken it is because you broke them!”  The vendor raised a long wooden staff over his head and swung down at the unarmed kender.

The Halfling raised his hands to block the blow but it never connected.

“This is a strange staff you have here, sir.”  A woman stood almost between the vendor and the kender with her arm out holding on to the staff from swinging any further.  “Odd how it is forked at the top of it.  Do you use it as a crutch?”

“It’s a hoopak!”  The Kender informed the woman.

The woman released the hoopak and allowed the vendor to lower it.

“The thief here hand his hands in my goods!”  The vendor exclaimed.

“Wait a second.”  The woman frowned.  “One topic at a time.  I was talking about your interesting staff.  Is it a hoopak?”

“It is!”  The kender jumped excitedly.  “It’s m—”

The woman shushed the excitable Halfling with a quick gesture.  “A hoopak?”

The vendor nodded.

“You do not look like the kind of guy that would wield a hoopak.”  She knitted her eyebrows.  “It is a pretty short weapon for a man of your stature, and do you just keep it around to beat on unarmed patrons?”

“Patron!”  He spit.  “That’s the kender’s hoopak!  I caught him—”

“Wait!”  The woman held up a palm at the man.  “You mean you took the weapon away from someone that is only a little larger than a child so you could beat him with it?”

He took a half step back.  “No, it is not like that!  He had his hand—”

“His little childlike hands?”  The woman stepped forward to close the new gap.

He shook his head.  “Now you are turning this into something it isn’t!  That there is a kender!  They are a race of sly thieves that will steal your very last tooth before you even notice!”

“And are you missing any teeth?”  She peered intently.

He raised his hand over his mouth as if to check.  “Of course not.  He was stealing my merchandise!”

“And are you missing any merchandise?”

He opened his mouth but then paused.


“I will have to check.”  He admitted and turned back to his booth.

The woman and kender stepped closer to the booth.  The woman put a hand out and pushed the kender back slightly as he got too near the cases.  She looked down at him and winked.

“Let’s see.”  The vendor started re-arranging stuff in the case.  “A ha!  There is a…  No.  there it is.”

He continued to shuffle the items to restore them to their original layout.

“Anything?”  She asked.

He gestured for her to wait a moment.

“I told him already.”  The kender pointed into the case.  “I was just putting the expensive stuff at the back of the case to protect it from thieves.”

“Like you!”  The vendor still shuffled items around.

“No!  Real thieves you unwanted runt whelp of an owlbear!”

The vendor looked up at this so quick that he bumped his head on the lid of the case which knocked the prop loose and the entire lid slammed shut.

The woman put her hand on the kender’s chest and when he looked up at her she shook her head but smiled slightly.

“So are you missing anything?”  She prompted the vendor.

He rubbed his chin and sighed.  “No, I think I caught him just in time.”

“Why did you have to re-arrange everything to figure that out?”  She leaned down and looked at the items closely.

“Because everything has a spot it has to sit in so I know if there is anything missing.”  He leaned down to spot the human’s interest.  “You like that piece?  It has matched rubies.”

“I noticed.  I can imagine it must be awfully expensive!”

“Oh, but I am sure it is not beyond the reaches of a lovely lady such as yourself.”  The vendor cajoled.

“That’s the first one I moved.”  The kender mashed his face against the case glass leaving a small round nose print..

“Is it?”  The woman asked then turned her attention back to the vendor.  “Why if I were a thief, this is the first one I would steal.”

The vendor stood up erect and tugged on his chin.

“Tell me kind sir.”  She leaned in towards him and her voice rose slightly in timber.  “Where was this piece located when you rearranged the case just now?”

“Um…  Err…”  He stammered.  “I cannot remember exactly, but it might have been—”

“At the back!”  The kender jumped up and flexed his arms backwards as he said it.

The woman pushed the kender in the chest and moved him backwards slightly.  She shook her head at him then turned back to the vendor.  “Was it in the back?”

The vendor looked down at his shoes and mumbled something.

“Was it?”

“Err.”  He stammered again.  “I think so…  I don’t know.”

“It was!”  The kender barked.

“So you were beating on a child size person with their own weapon why?”  She stood with her arms akimbo.


“So he has nothing of yours?”

The man bent into the display case again and came back up shortly and shook his head.

“So there is only one thief here!”  She leaned said accusingly.

“I said I did not—”  The kender started but the woman put her hand on his chest again to silence him.

“What do you mean?”  The vendor melted back under the stare of the woman.

“Do you own a hoopak?”  She eyeballed the hoopak leaning against the backside of the counter.  “Or did you just steal that one?”

The man reached quickly for the hoopak and it fumbled in his hands and clattered to the ground behind the stand.  He ducked down and came up holding it in two hands horizontally.  “I was just about to return that.”

The kender looked up at the woman.  She nodded.  He stepped up to the counter and took his weapon from the man.

“Now I believe we should be on our way.”  She said to the kender.

He smiled real big and nodded.  “Yes!  I am tired of this old cod anyway and all his FAKE JEWELRY!”

Merchants and patrons alike turned at the loud screechy voice of the kender making the proclamation that would guarantee no more business for that vender today.

She put our her arm and he reached up and put his arm around hers and escorted her like a gentleman from the stall.

“I’m Quicksnatch by the way.  Quicksnatch Catfeet!!”  The kender instroduced himself.

“Pleased to meet you Mr. Catfeet,”  She bowed her head slightly, “I am Ephellia.”

“You don’t have to call me mister.  Quicksnatch will do!”  He grinned up at her and light wrinkles creased his face.  “We should go get something to eat!”

She chuckled.  “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, my Uncle Gullysurfer says we need to try this place.”  The kender stopped in his tracks and started digging through his pouch.  “I have it written down here somewhere.”

“What type of food was it?”  She asked.

“Elvin.”  The kender replied without looking up.  He kept pulling things out of the pouch and shuffling them around before dunking them back in again.

“That is an interesting piece.”  Ephellia pointed at his hand.

Quicksnatch looked at her finger then his hand.  He had a silver and gold broach with twin rubies set into it.  “That is interesting!”

“It looks just like that one from the case the vendor had.”  She ran her finger across the surface of the gems.

“Wow!”  The kender exclaimed.  “It certainly does.  When we are done eating I want to go back over there and see if they are the same!  That would be some coincidence!”

“Yes, Quicksnatch.”  She smiled watching him tuck everything back into the pouch.  “Yes it would.